Time and mental peace are 2 of the most invaluable luxuries for us. The shortness of our lives makes time a rare and much treasured commodity. Therefore, we must be mindful of where and how we spend our time, as we can never get it back.
Besides time, mental peace is also irreplaceable. No amount of wealth can compensate stressful living. If we are mentally not at ease, we feel uncomfortable and cannot enjoy the happy moments of our lives. Therefore, we should take great care of what we think and surround ourselves with. Our every action, either positive or negative, directly influences our mental health.
One of the best ways to protect your mental peace and avoid wasting time is to distance yourself from vengeful thoughts. Seeking vengeance sucks away precious time of your life for a short-lived contentment. Moreover, plotting against your enemy adds constant stress to your mind. It prevents you from spending time on positive and happy things. Additionally, our treatment and actions toward others always come back to us. So, if we harm our enemies, we must be prepared for our turn to endure the same pain.
Where Does The Quote Come From?
The aforementioned quote is misattributed to Confucius and is not found in his writings The Analects(Lunyu). However, the second half of the quote, ‘dig two graves,’ first appeared in the history book about Japan, titled ‘The Mikado’s Empire,’ written by William Elliot: “If you call down a curse on any one, look out for two graves.”
However, it does not suggest anything about revenge. The strongest match of the quote is found as a Japanese proverb in the book Peloubet’s Select Notes on the International Lessons for 1915, written by Mary Thaxter Peloubet.
In the perfection of feudalism, the Japanese taught vengeance as a part of ethics and the vendetta as a fine art; yet even they out of long experience coined also the proverb, ‘If you would revenge yourself, dig two graves.’ The plotter usually fell into his own pit. William Elliot Griffis
Who Was Confucius?
Confucius’s Chinese name was Kongfuzi or K’ung-fu-Tzu. He was born in 551 BC in the Ch’u-fu state of Lu. He was an ancient philosopher, teacher, and political theorist. Confucius’s father was a poor man; he had 2 wives, 9 daughters, and 2 sons. Shortly after Confucius’s birth, his father died, leaving his wives and kids alone in this world.
Due to the poor financial conditions, Confucius worked in a stable and as a bookkeeper. While working, he learned music, archery, charioteering, calligraphy, arithmetic, and ritual. He also studied poetry and history, which helped him immensely in his teaching career. According to Confucius, education influences individuals by improving their character.
He later worked as a justice minister in Lu, effectively handling law problems. Moreover, he was always vigilant about the ruler and their mission. Confucius ensured that they were well-equipped to fend off any potential danger. A few years later, he left the job and proceeded to self-exile for 12 years. He quit his job because of the prolonged feud between hereditary families who both wanted to become the rulers of Lu.
During his exile, he traveled far and wide in China meeting different people. A few of them became his students, and he imparted his great wisdom and knowledge. When Confucius was 67, he returned to Lu to continue teaching students whilst writing down his thoughts and observations of others. His life, thoughts, ideas, and teachings are noted in the book Lunyu or The Analects of Confucius.
What Is the Meaning Of The Quote?
Seeking revenge ignites a wildfire in our hearts, we strive to inflict irreparable harm to our enemies. Our brain works tirelessly to think of ways and plans to avenge them. We find contentment when we see our foes suffer as much as we did. But this is not where the vicious cycle of revenge ends. In fact, revenge is a never-ending cycle. Once we take revenge, our rivals seek vengeance by hurting us again. Consequently, we gear up to harm them again to avenge ourselves. Thus, the cycle of revenge becomes perpetual and can last as long as the person or their enemy is alive.
Revenge is like a quicksand where we start sinking and do not realize until the matters have aggravated. The above quote explains the result of revenge: on the quest to hurt someone, we end up hurting ourselves too. Moreover, when we hurt others or take pleasure in their sufferings, we must be prepared for our turn. Because what goes around comes around.
Vengeance Destroys Our Virtues
Another way this quote can be interpreted is the death of our values and good character. If someone in your life hurts you physically, mentally, or emotionally, it shows that they have evil traits and are capable of harming others. However, when we are tempted to even the score with them, we slaughter our good personality traits, such as kindness, humility, and respect for others.
Seeking revenge deludes us into thinking that the pain caused to us will be relieved if we do the same to our enemy. However, the contentment we receive after vengeance is short-lived and makes us thirsty to cause more damage to our rivals. This eventually causes our virtues to die, and we adopt negative behavior, which impacts every area of our lives.
Therefore, it is best you do not stoop to the level of a friend or colleague who hurts you by passing mean comments or insults you. Try to take a higher road and show them that you are strong enough to not be affected by their impolite behavior. And if you decide to avenge yourself by replying to them with something ruder, you have set yourself up for never-ending rivalry and mental turmoil. Hence, be mindful of where you spend your energy and time and how it affects your mental health.
Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you Austin O’Malley
Forgiveness is a Powerful Weapon
When somebody creates problems for us or ruins our happiness, our first instinct is to do the same to them. The idea of forgiveness doesn’t cross our minds due to extreme anger and hatred towards them. Many people consider forgiveness as a sign of weakness. However, forgiving someone when you are capable of avenging yourself is one of the bravest things you can do. It is easier to scheme against someone and make them suffer for what they did to you. But letting go of what they did and moving on in your life is not easy.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong Mahatma Gandhi
If you have been wronged and you are currently seeking for retribution, then hopefully the following points may convince you try forgiveness instead.
1. Forgiveness Lightens The Burden Of Your Heart
Being harmed or manipulated by someone makes you angry, not only at the wrongdoer but also at yourself. We are heartbroken when someone makes us suffer; deep down, we blame ourselves for letting this happen. We consider ourselves weak and naïve for allowing our enemies to use us or make us suffer. These self-deprecating feelings affect our self-esteem and make us doubt ourselves. Hence, by forgiving our foes, we forgive ourselves for becoming their victims and lighten our heart’s burdens. Moreover, forgiveness allows us to learn from unfortunate incidents and move past them.
2. It Frees You From Harboring Negative Emotions
Planning revenge brings along anger, hatred, and other negative feelings. We spend our precious time hating our enemies and thinking negatively about them. These destructive thoughts work like a slow poison and turn us into pessimists. However, when we forgive, we free our minds of negative thoughts and their detrimental effects.
3. It Brings You Peace
Forgiving others helps us move past the ugly phase of our lives. Instead of sulking over how bad someone treated us and disturbing our mental peace, the brave act of forgiveness allows us to make peace with our bitter past experiences. It also brings us serenity and hope for a beautiful life that is ahead of us, free from all the negativity.
Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.Edwin Hubbel Chapin